Fall of Rain
by Lone One
Summary: Remus Lupin, avoiding the outside world after a crushing loss, did not expect the responsibility that was thrust upon him in the form of a baby with a few weeks to live. One shot, sad.


_Author's Note: My first attempt to write something set after the events of_ Order of the Phoenix._ This story came about as a result of some tragic events in my own life, and I had to write something to get myself through them. So poor Remus got stuck with an unfortunate situation, but I think it gave me a chance to explore some aspects of his personality that I had not looked at before. This story is very different from anything I have written before, so I would really appreciate reviews, constructive criticism, and advice. Hope you enjoy, but if my beta's reaction is any hint, you might consider grabbing tissues before starting. ~ Lone One. _

Remus had been surprised to receive the owl from St. Mungo's, as he rarely got mail at all; the note had been short and terse, requesting that he pay a visit to the hospital "at his earliest convenience." To add to his consternation, he had been visited by Albus Dumbledore only minutes after the puzzling note had arrived. He had only seen Dumbledore two or three times since Sirius' death three months previously, as the old wizard had been incredibly busy in his preparations for the next major conflict with Voldemort. Remus had barely noticed the passage of time, as immersed as he had been in Order business. He found it helped to keep himself busy with work, that it kept his mind off of his grief at the loss of the last of his childhood friends. Still, every time he was not occupied with work, he found himself overcome with sadness. Sirius' death had been a blow that he had not prepared for, and it was affecting him worse than he ever would have predicted. 

Remus was still living at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place; he was alone most of the time. When no-one else was around, when his work for the Order was done, Remus would often sit alone in the dark, and no power on earth could stop his thoughts from straying back to their time at Hogwarts, the happy boys they had been... the longer he sat alone, the sadder he grew. Remus did not weep; somehow, it seemed that tears would have been the least fitting memorial to Sirius and James. He did not weep, and his face did not betray his emotion, as years of constant sorrow and hardship had taught him to school his expressions carefully. Remus found it difficult to be around other people, as he generally desired solitude; he did not want to have to connect to anyone else, did not want to care for another person - he thought that if he lost one more person that he loved, he might go insane. 

The morning after the full moon, as he sat in the empty kitchen with a hot mug of tea, Dumbledore's sudden appearance as he Flooed into the room came as a sudden shock. "Remus, I am afraid that there is a rather difficult task that I will need your assistance with." Dumbledore told him, a somber expression on his face, his normally merry eyes sad. He held out a copy of the morning's Daily Prophet; the headline read, in large, bold font _"Muggle Family Attacked by Werewolf: Three Die in Senseless Assault." _ Remus glanced at the title briefly, and looked up at Dumbledore in horror, before continuing to read. "A family of Muggles was attacked by a werewolf last night as they camped in a forest area. Being unaware of the dangers accompanying the full moon, the family of three was unprepared for the attack." The story continued for several pages, with references to further stories ("For a story on the dangers posed by werewolves, see page 3. For information on protecting oneself from a werewolf attack, see page 6."). 

Remus looked again to Dumbledore, not knowing what to say. He was in the process of recovering from his own painful transformation the night before; fortunately, Snape had been persuaded to brew the Wolfsbane Potion for him, so he had spent the night curled up calmly in front of a cheerful fire. Remus was not quite certain why Dumbledore was choosing to show him this tragic story, and said as much, politely.

"The Daily Prophet, while enthusiastic in its pursuit of news to fill its pages, can be rather careless with the details. Two people died last night, not three; that is why we need your assistance. If you will please accompany me to St. Mungo's, I believe we can explain everything slightly better." Curious, Remus agreed, and the two wizards Flooed to the hospital in something of a rush. Dumbledore did not need to ask anyone for directions when they reached the hospital, but led the way directly to the Dai Llewllyn Ward, the one for people with Serious Bites, that Remus remembered well. He had been treated in this ward when he had first been bitten at the tender age of four; more recently, he had spent time in the room as Arthur Weasley's visitor over the past Christmas. As they entered the room, he noted the presence of many Healers, all of whom looked distraught or depressed; some seemed to be weeping softly. They were all clustered around one bed, which seemed to hold the only patient in the ward.

Dumbledore cleared a pathway through the masses of Healers, and Remus followed, somewhat curious as to what was causing the stir. At a quiet word from Hogwart's Headmaster, the crowd thinned out, all but one of the Healers leaving the ward quietly. The Healer who remained was a short, plump woman with red hair who wiped her eyes inconspicuously before turning to speak to the two visitors.

"Professor Dumbledore, Mr. Lupin - thank you both for coming so promptly. I am Healer Fiachra." She shook their hands in turn before turning to the small bed next to her. "I have been placed in charge of this case, but as I told you when we spoke earlier, I'm really afraid there's nothing I can do here." 

"Healer, I would appreciate it if you would fill Mr. Lupin in on the details. There has not been time to explain anything yet." The Healer nodded, and looked at Remus.

"Last night, there was an attack on a Muggle family by a rogue werewolf. We're working on identifying who it was, but at this point, all we know is that the husband and wife were killed. A bunch of wizards who happened to be nearby heard the noise of the attack, and came upon the scene in time to chase the werewolf away, but the couple had already died. However, their son had not." 

Fiachra moved aside a step, and Remus was able to see the occupant of the bed. In the center of the small bed was a tiny baby, dressed in a hospital outfit, much of one arm dressed in thick bandages. He seemed to be sleeping fitfully, likely under the influence of Sleeping Potions. 

"Tests have determined that not only was he bitten by the werewolf, but that he was, without a doubt, infected with lycanthropy. Normally this would, of course, be a matter for great concern, but in these circumstances, it's even worse - he's too small." Remus knew exactly what the Healer was attempting to avoid saying. He knew that he himself had barely survived being bitten and had almost died during his first transformation. There was no way that this tiny baby would survive the violent transformation.

"He won't make it, will he?" Remus asked, his voice hoarse and soft, even though he already knew the answer. Fiachra shook her head sadly.

"No. He's just too small; if we had been permitted to do the kinds of research on lycanthropy that I've been advocating for years, we might have some way to help him, but as it is, there's nothing we can do. That Umbridge woman's restrictions on the uses of funds and resources to study the afflictions of what she terms 'part humans'- well, our hands have been tied." Remus nodded, aware of the restrictions in place. Dumbledore spoke up beside him.

"The family members who were not involved in the tragedy have been told that all three were killed in a car crash last night. There was no way we could tell them that the baby was alive, considering the circumstances." The old Headmaster's eyes seemed brighter than normal, and seemed to hold a hint of tears; Remus wondered at the display of emotion, but found he understood it all too well. 

"Well, Mr. Lupin, I expect you're wondering what all of this has to do with you." The Healer said, attempting to sound somewhat cheerful, and failing dismally. Remus simply nodded, having no words for the situation. "To put it plainly, the laws concerning werewolves will not allow us to use hospital resources to provide care for a werewolf who is known to have a limited life expectancy, within the range of three months. Apparently it's not a 'sensible use' of funds." She snorted angrily. "Because of this, we cannot keep the baby here. We cannot send him to his Muggle relatives, as they have been told he is dead. On the other hand, we must find someone to care for him. He may have a 'limited life-span' left, but we cannot allow it to be spent in unfriendly conditions." Healer Fiachra put her hand gently on Remus' arm as she continued. "This baby is only five months old, Mr. Lupin, and he's only got until the next full moon. It's an awful situation, but he has to be taken care of until then, and we need someone who understands lycanthropy to do the job. By all accounts, you are the ideal man for this job." 

Remus was, to put it mildly, shocked. "I don't know who's told you that, but I assure you, they must be mistaken. I don't know anything about babies - never really spent much time around them, and besides, I'm afraid I'm quite busy right now with...business." He looked to Dumbledore for support, but found none.

"Remus, I told Healer Fiachra that I thought you would be perfect for the job. I remember seeing you with Harry when he was a baby; there was no-one James and Lily trusted more to watch their son." The unspoken phrase "except Sirius" hung in the air for a moment before Dumbledore continued. "More importantly, you understand his situation; you are uniquely prepared to help this child. The business that you have been doing for me need not stand in your way in this instance." Dumbledore's bright eyes were fixed firmly on Remus, and he felt like a schoolboy again. 

"I- I really don't know about this." Remus said helplessly. He looked at Dumbledore again; Dumbledore was still staring at him calmly, obviously expecting that he would agree to care for the little boy, but Remus was highly uncertain as to the merits of that plan. Yes, he had had some experience with Harry when he was a baby, before the Potters had gone into hiding, but that did not make him an expert by any stretch of the imagination. But Dumbledore - Dumbledore was expecting him to help, and could he really refuse? After everything the old wizard had done for him - he had given Remus a chance when no-one else would. That was what he was expecting Remus to return, wasn't it? This little boy needed someone to give him a chance - he needed someone to care for him. Remus sighed. "All right. I'll do it." The Healer and Dumbledore both smiled in relief.

"I appreciate this so very much, Mr. Lupin." Fiachra said gratefully, looking as though she might hug him; he hoped she wouldn't. "He's an awfully sweet child, and it just breaks my heart that we can't do anything for him." She moved off, bustling around to gather up supplies. "He's doing fairly well, considering. He took a bad bite to the arm, but we've managed to heal that almost completely." She packed things quickly into a small bag, which she shoved gently in Remus' arms. Then she turned to the baby's bed, and picked him up gently, cradling him for a moment before kissing his head, and then turning to Dumbledore and Remus. "I've included information about caring for his arm, and there should be enough supplies here - the bag holds more than it would seem to- and if you need any assistance, please let me know." She placed the sleeping baby in Remus' arms, and turned away, sniffing softly. 

"Wait!" Remus said softly, hoping he would not wake the baby. "His name - what's his name? And - can one take babies through the Floo network?"

"We don't know. The wizards who investigated the scene found the names of the parents, but there was no identifying information on this little one. Call him what you will. And yes, there's no difficulty taking babies through Floo as long as you're careful. Just don't drop him and you'll be fine." Fiachra turned away and left the room quietly, leaving Remus with his arms full of sleeping baby. He turned to Dumbledore somewhat helplessly.

"Err - what do I do now?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Molly Weasley was bustling around the kitchen in the Burrow, tidying randomly. The children had gone off to Hogwarts for the start of term over three weeks previously, and as she and other members of the Order had been told to avoid spending too much time in London for fear of leading Voldemort to discover the whereabouts of the Order, she was making an effort to stay at home more often. She was still doing work for the Order full time, but much of it was research, communications, and preparation that could be done as easily from Ottery St. Catchpole as from London. 

Despite the fact that she knew the entire wizarding world was in danger, Molly couldn't help humming a bit as she worked; it was a beautiful autumn day, there had been no word of Voldemort's activity for weeks, and no further deaths since the tragic loss of Sirius Black. Molly frowned as she thought; she was concerned about the repercussions of that death. Harry, of course, had taken it very badly. He was more withdrawn than ever, and she worried about the boy. She had asked Ron to keep an eye on him at Hogwarts, but she knew as well as anyone that Ron tended to have difficulties understanding others' emotional difficulties. Molly had a feeling that Ginny would be of more use to Harry, and had also told her to watch out for the poor boy.

Harry wasn't the only one affected by Sirius' death, though, and truthfully, Molly was more worried about Remus Lupin. She had known him for years, and after the Potters' deaths, she had seen him withdraw from much of the world, grieving quietly for years. She was certain he was going through the same process again, but if anyone inquired as to his health or mental state, he merely smiled politely and said that he was fine, thank you, and how were you? The man was seemingly unshakeable. 

At that moment, the fireplace behind her whooshed into life, green flames shooting up, and someone Flooed into her kitchen. Molly was surprised, but not alarmed; these days everyone had charms on their fires to keep out unwelcome visitors, so she knew it had to be a member of the Order. Indeed, it was Remus Lupin, looking -flustered? Molly looked again; he certainly seemed troubled by something. His always shabby clothes were neat and clean, and he looked tired - of course, it had been a full moon the night before, the poor dear - but there was something more. 

"Molly! I'm glad you're here - I need your help, you see." Remus sounded less calm and composed than was his wont; he nodded towards the bundle he carried in his arms. "I - they gave me a baby to take care of, and I'm not certain I know what I need to do." Molly crossed the kitchen in a few steps, and came to look at the baby in Remus' arms. In a few sentences, Remus told her the story of the tragic attack the night before, and how he had agreed to take care of the baby. "He only has until the next full moon, but I really don't know what to do with a baby, Molly."

Molly looked at Remus. He looked flustered and uncertain, but he held the baby carefully and securely. He might think that he did not know how to handle the situation, but he was doing quite well. Molly guided him to a nearby chair, where he sat down carefully. Although he tried to move gently, the motion woke the baby; his eyes opened wide, and his mouth stretched in a sleepy yawn. Molly wanted to snatch the child away and cradle him; as a mother, she could not help but feel pain for the baby. He was very small for his age - five months, Remus had mentioned. He was a handsome child; his eyes were large and bright blue, and his hair was light and soft.

Remus looked alarmed as the baby stirred in his arms. Fortunately for him, the baby did not cry, but stared up at both adults with wide eyes, which seemed far too old and wise for a child his age. Remus looked back down at him. "You're a bold one, aren't you?" Remus said softly. "You've had a rough night, little one. I'm sorry." Molly looked at both of the werewolves - funny to think that such a small child was infected with the terrible illness. Remus was staring fixedly at the little bundle in his arms, his expression serious and somber, but also gentle. As sad as the situation was, however, Molly thought that Remus also looked somewhat comforted by the child; as he sat in the chair and held the baby, she thought he looked less distressed than he ever had since Sirius had died.

"So what do you need to know, Remus?" Molly asked gently. "I know quite a bit about babies." He smiled at her, and she began to show him all of the basics of caring for a child. The baby kept staring at them both the entire time, his blue eyes wide. Molly took pleasure in coaxing a laugh out of the baby; at his happy giggle, she saw Remus smile as well, his eyes lighting up in a way that made him look years younger. Finally, Molly thought they had covered everything.

"I suppose I also need to find a name for him." Remus said thoughtfully, picking the baby up from where he had been playing on the floor. He sat the child on his knees, facing him, and looked seriously at the boy. "So what shall it be, then? What name for a brave boy like you?" The baby's face became serious for a moment, before he reached out a small hand to touch Remus on the face, patting at his nose. Remus laughed softly, and Molly smiled at them both. "What do you think of Nicholas?" Remus continued. "It was my father's name, and quite a lot to live up to, but if it suits you..." The baby stared, wide-eyed, at the older man before breaking into a happy giggle and reaching again for Remus' face. "I suppose it's settled then! Your name will be Nicholas." The newly-proclaimed Nicholas attempted to clap his hands together happily, but had trouble co-ordinating his efforts; this did not seem to bother him until he almost toppled over as a result of waving his chubby little hands furiously in the air. Remus caught and steadied him, smiling at the child. 

Molly invited Remus to stay to supper, but he declined, saying he ought to get back to Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, in case anyone happened to be looking for him. He gathered up all of Nicholas' belongings, thanked Molly profusely, and carried Nicholas over to the Weasley's fire, where the two disappeared in a rush of green flame and the sound of a baby's laughter. Once they were gone, Molly found herself unable to hold back the tears she had been fighting for hours. That sweet baby - he had no chance now, and he had done nothing wrong! And Remus - she knew how hard he was taking Sirius' death, and she could already see his growing attachment to little Nicholas. She did not want to think of how hard it would be for him to lose Nicholas as well, as he would in only a few weeks. Collapsing into a soft armchair, Molly let herself weep for Nicholas, for Remus, for Sirius, for all of those hurt and killed by the evil times, and for her own children, whose deaths she dreaded every day.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Remus arrived back at the Black family home many hours after his abrupt departure to find everything seeming the same. His unfinished mug of tea still sat on the table, along with the Daily Prophet that Dumbledore had given him. Despite appearances, though, Remus knew that everything was different now. When he had left, he had no idea that he would return as the guardian and protector of a five-month-old werewolf; although he knew that the situation was tragically impermanent, it certainly would change the course of his life for the next few weeks. Carrying Nicholas and all of his supplies, Remus walked up several flights of stairs until he reached the room he was using as his own bedroom. He had managed to rid the room of all of the filth and the dangerous creatures and objects that had accumulated there over the years, and it was now clean and tidy, if not exactly welcoming. 

Following the instructions he had been given by a patient Molly Weasley, he transfigured a small nearby table into a crib fit for an active baby, and placed Nicholas gently inside as he looked through his bag. There did seem to be enough of everything to last for a few weeks, and Remus was sure that he could make do with what they had been given. He did, in fact, remember babysitting Harry at the same age, and recalled how very often babies seemed to need to be changed, fed, bathed and rocked to sleep; it was certain to be an exhausting few weeks. As he finished his inspection, Remus looked into the crib to be sure that Nicholas was still happy; in fact, the baby had fallen asleep, and looked quite peaceful, a thumb stuffed firmly into his mouth. Remus moved over and rested his arms on the side of the baby's crib. He was amazed at the amount of affection he felt for the little boy he had known for only a few hours; of course, he and Sirius had both felt the same way as soon as they met baby Harry. Remus recalled Sirius telling him that "babies have their own special magical abilities, Moony, even Muggle ones. They can wrap you around their little fingers before you have a chance to blink, and then you're sunk." That had certainly been true in Harry's case, as all of the Marauders had doted on him from the moment of his birth. 

Looking at Nicholas, Remus felt that life was truly unfair. It was one thing for adult wizards to die in battle; although it was tragic and incomprehensible every time it happened, at least they had experienced life. Nicholas had barely lived, and his life was almost over, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. "It's not fair, Nick, it really isn't." Remus murmured. "But I promise I'll do the best I can for you while you're here. I know what it's like." Reaching a hand into the crib, Remus pulled the small blanket up to cover the small body, then stroked the baby's head. 

As Nicholas napped, Remus set about attempting to make the room next to his safe for the baby to play in. Of course, this meant ridding the closet of several Biting Books, removing Doxies from the draperies, and cleaning out garbage from every corner. Remus also attempted to perform some Cleaning Charms to get rid of the filth covering every surface, but he was not overly good at them, and the room remained dusty. At least it would be safe to let the baby play on the floor, though, something he had seemed to enjoy at the Weasley's house. 

Remus suddenly heard a crash from downstairs that caused him to jump, startled. Grabbing his wand, he rushed down the stairs, and found himself facing Nymphadora Tonks.

"Remus! I'm sorry, I came in the front door, but I knocked over the-" Remus was trying to hush her, but to no effect. Mrs. Black's portrait, which had become less alert in the past months, was obviously disturbed by the continued noise, because the tattered curtains in front of the portrait opened, and she began screaming.

"Filth! Half-bloods! Despicable werewolf scum, blood traitor! How dare you besmirch the home of my fathers!" 

"She's awfully repetitive, isn't she?" Tonks yelled, as they struggled to close the curtains on the screaming woman. Remus nodded, and they finally managed to yank the draperies shut, and silence fell. Well, almost silence - comparatively quietly, Remus could hear a baby's cries. 

"She's woken him up!" Remus said quickly, and dashed back to the stairs, anxious to reach the crying baby. 

"What? Who? Remus-" Tonks attempted to follow, but tripped over the bottom stair. Remus reached the baby's crib, and picked him up; Nicholas had been crying for a few minutes, obviously. His face was red and streaked with tears, but he stopped crying upon being held, and hiccoughed sobbingly. Tonks, who had finally made it up the stairs, stopped in the doorframe and stared at Remus. "Remus, what-?" She obviously had no idea what to say, and stood gaping at the scene before her, eyes wide and mouth half-open. With a small sigh, Remus recounted the morning's events, continuing to soothe Nicholas as he did so. By the time he had reached the end of the tale, the baby was happy again, his cries turned to happy coos. Tonks, on the other hand, looked horrified, and sat down heavily on the nearest chair.

"You mean to tell me that they gave you a baby, and that he's going to - I mean, that he can't survive - being a werewolf?" Tonks finally asked, her voice weak. "But Remus, the poor baby!"

"I know." Remus said heavily, looking at the happy bundle in his arms. "He's awfully little, isn't he? I suppose there's nothing I can do but make him as happy as possible while he's here; at least he won't have to be alone." Tonks stifled a small sob, but nodded in agreement. Remus looked at her, seemingly noting her presence for the first time. "We were supposed to meet about Order business tonight, weren't we? I had completely forgotten - with everything that has happened today, I just..." 

"Don't be silly, Remus. Dumbledore told me that you wouldn't be able to work as usual for a few weeks, although he didn't tell me why." Tonks looked at him sharply. "Have you eaten, either of you?" Remus shook his head. "Well, I suppose we had better deal with dinner then, hadn't we?" Tonks smiled in a would-be cheerful manner, and began to head down to the kitchen. Remus, thinking of her noted clumsiness, tried to decide whether he ought to protest or not; however, since he thought it would be less dangerous to trust her with fixing dinner than with feeding a squirmy baby, he decided not to stop her.

"We'll be down in a minute, then." He told her retreating back, and she nodded in answer. It took Remus more than a minute to figure out exactly what items from Nicholas' bag he needed to bring down in order to fix his bottle. Despite Molly Weasley's lessons, Remus still found baby items rather complicated, and finally settled for bringing the entire bag. Half an hour, several broken dishes, a bruised thumb, and a burned main course later, Remus and Tonks had achieved their respective goals, and some sort of dinner had been prepared. 

It was a rather harried meal, and Remus had to figure out how to eat with his left hand, as Nicholas decided to cry if he was not held. Remus was almost grateful by the end of the meal that he had never had children of his own. He had been bitten so young that he had never considered the possibility of marriage or offspring, but as he grew older, he had come to realize that this was another area of his life that would never be "normal." He liked children a great deal, had loved teaching in schools over the years, and still remembered his time spent with the Potters and baby Harry very fondly. Over time, he had come to regret the fact that he would never have children of his own. He had, in fact, forgotten how very difficult and tiring caring for a baby could be; however, as he discovered later that evening, he had also forgotten how very wonderful infants could be. Nicholas spent a great deal of time in the evening playing on the floor with some of the simple toys that had been included in his bag. He played with his toes, stared in undisguised awe at his own fingers, and cooed and laughed almost constantly. He let out a few squawks of pain when he rolled into something that put pressure on his injured arm, but on the whole, was a delightfully sweet and happy child. 

After a few minutes of sitting calmly in a chair, trying to make light conversation with Tonks, Remus gave up and got down on the floor with Nicholas. He watched the baby play, and played along with him, putting his face within the baby's grasp and letting it be patted by tiny, soft hands as the infant laughed. Finally, Nicholas became tired; he yawned widely, looking stunned afterwards. Remus picked him up from the floor, and performed the necessary duties to prepare the baby for bed; after some consideration, he decided not to attempt to give Nicholas a bath that night - there was a limit to how much a man could do in a single day, after all. Remus was still attempting to recover from the full moon, and found himself exhausted. 

Unwilling to put the quiet, sleepy baby in his crib just yet, Remus lay down on a large couch, and placed Nicholas on his chest. He put his hands firmly on the baby's back, and they lay still. Nicholas sighed softly, his eyes closing slowly; within moments, the baby was asleep. Remus closed his own eyes, feeling more peaceful and relaxed than he had in many years. He awoke some time later to feel someone attempting to remove Nicholas from his grasp, and he let out an unintentional growl. Tonks, who was trying to move the baby inconspicuously, stopped and glared at him, in a joking way.

"Right, this baby has had a hard twenty-four hours, and needs to sleep in his bed. And you do as well! Move!" Muttering sleepily at her, Remus sat up, and managed to drag himself and the sleeping baby up the stairs; he placed Nicholas in his crib without waking him, and collapsed into his own bed, falling asleep quickly. Tonks, who had followed the two to make certain that they obeyed her orders, shook her head quietly before moving to pull the covers over the sleeping man.

"No more than a big baby himself! Honestly, what were they thinking, making him take care of a baby now? He's barely in any condition to look after himself, let alone such a little one. P'raps it'll be good for him, though - wake him up to the outside world." Her muttered comments did not disturb either sleeper, and she smiled fondly at both before tiptoeing off to the room she used when staying at headquarters. She did honestly hope that caring for the baby would help Remus to come out of his shell; she had always looked up to the man as another older cousin, just like Sirius, and had been worried about him after Sirius' death. He had seen a great deal of sadness during his life, and she did not doubt that he would mourn for Nicholas as well, but she hoped that the situation would do her friend some good. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

The weeks passed in a blur for Remus. He was still doing work for the Order, but not nearly as much as he had before; most of his time was taken up with caring for Nicholas. They established routines, and he was surprised to find that taking care of a baby was easier than he had supposed. Tonks came by often, and marveled at the progress Nick made every day. He was learning so many new things; he began to teethe, and after three weeks of Tonks' careful tutoring, began to refer to his new guardian as "Moo." Remus was shocked when he did this - although he knew that some babies began to say "mama" and "dada" at Nick's age, he had not expected to be given a name, certainly not a corruption of his childhood nickname. Still, he couldn't help but smile when Nick called for him by "name."

As the baby grew, and Remus became even more attached to him, he began to dread the upcoming full moon more than he had ever feared anything before. When he was at Hogwarts, he had been afraid that his friends would discover his awful secret, certain that his world would end when they did so. Even that fear could not compare with the dread that he felt about the upcoming full moon. Although he had always known that Nicholas would not survive past his first transformation, Remus had not expected to become so fond of the child. He would rather have given his own life; that was not a choice he could make. He could not stop the progression of the moon cycle, and felt helpless as he watched the moon grow rounder and brighter every night. 

Remus took to spending every waking minute with Nick, playing with him or just holding him; he even attempted, when he was certain no-one else was around to hear, to sing some of the old lullabies he remembered his mother singing to him. Many were not in English, but rather in the Welsh of his childhood; he was amazed to find that he remembered the songs, and that they still brought the same feelings of peace and comfort that they had given him as a small boy, frightened of the moon. He hoped that they helped Nick, somehow - it was hard to tell. The baby was usually so happy and carefree, but sometimes he would look at Remus with eyes that seemed far too wise for his little face. One night, he looked up at the moon as Remus stared at it, and stretched his hands up as if to touch its bright face; Remus had a hard time keeping himself from tears. 

The day before the full moon, Remus hardly knew what to do. He could not sit still, could not do any work, couldn't stand to be away from the baby. Tonks stopped by, as did Molly and Arthur Weasley, and Dumbledore, all wishing to say goodbye to Nicholas. Remus wished they wouldn't - it was much easier to pretend to himself that everything was normal when people weren't crying and hugging him or Nick. Nicholas seemed to know what was happening; he had been rather pale and peaky in the past few days, responding to the changes in the moon. He fussed more than usual that day and did not want to nap at the usual time; Remus obliged him, and they sat together in silence until the baby fell asleep in Remus' arms.

As he held Nick, soundly asleep and innocently trusting, Remus thought quietly. He had not wanted the responsibility of caring for a baby, but the past month had been one of the best in his life. Though he still missed his friends, Remus had found that he was able to laugh and to enjoy life again. Caring for Nicholas had proven to him that he could still do something that mattered. He had made a difference in the life of one baby, had been able to make his last few days enjoyable, and that meant more to him than he would have imagined possible. He still felt powerless, but at the same time, he knew that by holding and caring for this baby, by showing him that he was loved, he was doing more than anyone else ever could. 

The afternoon passed, and Remus set about the task of setting the special wards he always placed up on the night of the full moon, taking care to be certain that no-one could enter the house. He had been taking the Wolfsbane Potion, but Nicholas had not, and he saw no reason to take risks. Finally, Remus set Silencing Charms all around, so that no noise made that night would be heard outside the house. With everything completed, there was nothing left to do but wait. Remus crossed the room to where Nicholas lay on the floor quietly, too tired to play. Remus sat down on the floor and scooped the baby up, holding him tight and attempting to hold back tears. This would be the last time he could hold the boy who had become a son to him, the last bit of human comfort he could share. 

All too soon, the moon began to rise. Remus could feel twinges of pain beginning to appear throughout his body, but he had undergone the transformation so many times that he hardly noticed anymore. Nicholas had not, and he began to cry, wriggling and kicking as he attempted to escape the discomfort. Remus grabbed his wand and began to attempt to perform charms and spells to ease pain. They did not always work for transformations, but at least they seemed to be doing some good; Nicholas stopped crying, although he still looked uncomfortable. Then it was upon them, the moon rising in earnest, the transformation beginning. Remus was unable to hold Nicholas any longer, couldn't look at him, and barely registered his re-invigorated cries. His own pain was blinding, blocking out the world around him. 

When the transformation was finally over, Remus lay still for a moment, unwilling to look at Nicholas. He finally forced himself to turn his head, and saw a tiny wolf-pup, his fur fluffy and soft, his eyes over-large and still bright blue, panting exhaustedly on the floor. With a small yelp, Remus dashed over to him, and nuzzled the pup with his nose. What hope he had had, however, faded as he saw how very exhausted the baby was. The transformation was obviously too much for the tiny body; the werewolf cub was slipping slowly away, his breathing becoming shallow. Remus wished desperately that he was human enough to pick Nicholas up again, to hold him as he struggled against the fall of night.

With a whine that sounded suspiciously close to a sob, Remus curled himself up next to the cub, licking his head gently, providing as much warmth and comfort as he could. He could not cry; he wished he could. It might have eased the ache in his heart. Outside, the clouds that had threatened all day finally broke, and rain began to fall with a soft patter. Lightening flashed across the sky, and Remus felt Nicholas start at the sound of thunder. _Don't worry, little one_, Remus thought comfortingly. _A little fall of rain can hardly hurt you now. I'm here with you, and I'll stay until you are asleep. I will keep you safe and close; you can sleep now._ He knew that Nicholas could not hear him, could not have understood, but he gave a small, shuddering sigh, as though he did. Slowly, so slowly Remus was unsure if he was imagining it, the labored breaths slowed. Finally, after a few quiet hours, Nicholas drew one last, quiet breath, and slipped away.

Remus knew he was gone, and knew that in the morning he would weep, but it had been a quiet and graceful exit, and he was grateful for that much. He had not been able to stop himself from loving Nicholas, and hoped deeply that somehow he would see him again. After Sirius' death, Remus and Harry had written to each other, and Harry had shared his hopes of seeing his parents and Sirius again, "behind the veil." If they were there, if there was any way they could hear him, he was sure they would be listening.

_I don't know if you're there, old friends, but if you are, could you do me a favor? Look out for Nicholas, would you? He's very little, and I don't want to think that he's alone. And - wait for me, would you? I'll be along before too long, I'm sure. After all, we always promised that we would be together forever, didn't we? We've got a lot of forever left to us. I'll be along._ With a wolfish smile that did not mask the anguish in his eyes, Remus sat up and walked over to the window, staring out at the night and the rain. The fall of rain seemed like the most natural thing on Earth - the whole world seemed to be weeping. And Remus threw back his head and howled his grief to the sky, knowing that no-one was left to hear it. _Wait for me. I promise it won't be long. _And the rain fell...


End file.
